Escort Service GAMES
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SimBro [v 2.6]
the music in this one. it's like someone found a broken casio keyboard in a dumpster behind a love hotel and decided that was the whole vibe. a single looping synth track that sounds vaguely like a slowed down ringtone from a phone you owned in 2007. it burrows into your skull after the third customer. i can't decide if it's genius or a war crime. probably both. the sound when you successfully upgrade the shower to a "deluxe model" is just a wet slap noise. chef's kiss. no notes. the actual managing part is a mess of menus that feel like filling out a tax form. you drag a girl icon onto a room icon and a little progress bar fills up while a pixelated heart bounces around. i spent way too long trying to figure out why the girl with the pink hair kept losing "stamina" faster than the others. turns out i forgot to buy a bed. just a room with a lamp and a very confused client. the game doesn't tell you this. it just lets her collapse from exhaustion in the middle of a "battle." the battles themselves are these bizarre turn based things where you pick a pose like "cowgirl" and it does a set amount of "arousal damage." the enemy is a silhouette named "Lonely Businessman." he has a special attack called "Premature" that ends the fight instantly. you lose money. i laughed. then i got angry because the tutorial never explained how to counter it. you can't. you just have to accept it. there's a storyline about a rival agency run by a woman with absurdly large glasses and no other defining features. her dialogue is all threats about "taking your clientele" but she never actually does anything. she just appears, insults your peeling wallpaper, and leaves. i wish she'd actually steal one of my girls. add some chaos. but no, my girls just stand in their assigned rooms, their stats slowly draining because i'm too busy writing this to click the "feed" button. the shower is making that wet slap noise again. i think it's broken. i don't care. the synth loop is still playing. it's been the same loop for what feels like an eternity. i think i'm starting to like it.