Jillian GAMES
1 Jillian games are waiting on this page, from quick online picks to longer adventures.
- glenn quagmire▶ INSERT COIN
Lucky Guy: A Parody of Family Guy Series
The first thing that hits you isn't the tits, it's the music. Some royalty free jazz loop that sounds like it was recorded in a damp basement, and it just keeps going. I sat on the title screen for maybe two minutes, hypnotized by how aggressively cheap it sounded. That's the whole experience, really. This is an RPGMaker thing, a parody of that cartoon with the dog and the fat guy, you know the one. You're some nobody who works for Quagmire, and he sends you on errands. The whole premise is that following his instructions leads to sex scenes with the neighborhood women. The sprite for Lois is this bizarre redheaded block with a face that sort of looks like her if you squint and have a concussion. Bonnie is there too, and Meg, and Jillian. The dialogue is written by someone whose first language is definitely not English, and it's got this accidental poetry to it. A character once told me "the passion is burn in my loins" and I haven't stopped thinking about it. The actual gameplay is just walking left and right, talking to people, hitting confirm. There's a part where you have to find a specific item in Quagmire's house and I clicked on every single identical bookshelf for three minutes. Why is his house a maze of empty corridors. The sex scenes are these static images with text boxes. The one with Lois on the kitchen table has this weird filter over it, like vaseline on a camera lens, and the writing describes things with the clinical detachment of a medical textbook. "He inserted his member into her womanhood." I don't know why that phrase made me laugh so hard I had to stop playing for a bit. The Jillian scene is just confusing, she keeps talking about something unrelated and then suddenly it's over. I wish there was more of the actual weirdness of the show, the cutaway gags or the non-sequiturs, but it's just a straight porn delivery system with the characters' faces crudely pasted on. The whole thing feels like a fever dream you'd have after eating bad pizza and passing out with the TV on.