Ups GAMES
Everything Ups in one place. Choose from 2 games and jump straight in.
- pussy▶ INSERT COIN
Starlet Wars Pornography – Starlet Slut
The "game" is basically a single interactive scene you'd find buried on page 47 of a flash hentai site from 2007. You know the ones. Newgrounds era stuff where the loading bar was the most exciting part. This time it's Padme, or a vague approximation of her, getting railed by a stormtrooper who never takes his helmet off. Respect the uniform I guess. The whole thing runs on that Games of Desire engine which means the controls feel like you're operating a puppet with oven mitts. You click and drag to thrust. Sometimes it registers. Sometimes you're just angrily petting your monitor while Padme's dead-eyed stare judges you. There's a speed slider that goes from "lazy Sunday" to "industrial jackhammer" and the sound design is just... wet slapping noises that loop with all the grace of a skipping CD. I spent way too long trying to line up the cumshot meter. It's this little bar that fills up and if you miss the timing, tough shit, start over. The breast expansion tag is doing some heavy lifting here. Her tits inflate like pool toys when you click them. It's absurd. I laughed. Then I kept clicking. I'm not proud. The positions change if you can figure out the cryptic arrow buttons. Girl on top, some sideways thing, the usual greatest hits. The "3 on 1" tag is misleading. It's just the same stormtrooper model copy-pasted. Lazy. But the creampie animation has this weirdly detailed drip effect that someone clearly spent way too long on. Priorities. The whole thing crashes if you click too fast during the "tease" phase. Not that I'd know. Multiple times. The Star Wars theme plays in a tinny midi version that cuts out abruptly when you finish. Like the game is embarrassed. We both are.
- fairy tail▶ INSERT COIN
Seekers: Peeping Tom Menance
Right. A Yoda sex tape. Not a sentence I ever thought I'd type, but here we are, and my retinas are still trying to process the chunky green pixels. This isn't some polished visual novel. It feels like someone smashed a Star Wars parody into a forgotten Newgrounds corner, drenched it in cheap booze, and hit upload. The whole thing hangs on one screen, a single static image you poke at like a confused chimp, hoping to trigger something that’ll make you say "what the fuck" out loud. And it delivers. Oh, it delivers. Clicked a Twi'lek. Standard stuff, or so I thought, until the scene unfolded with the kind of jerky, unpolished animation that makes you feel like you’re watching a corrupted.gif from 2003. There's a raw, almost uncomfortable energy to it, like peeking through someone's unwashed window. The lack of any real interface or sound design, just the bare, looping actions, it’s weirdly hypnotic. I’m sitting there, a grown person, analyzing the thrust mechanics of a poorly drawn Sebulba. His little arms. The sheer, unhinged audacity of including that character in a sex scene is a level of chaotic energy I almost respect. And then there’s the fairy tail piece. A character model that looks like it was assembled from melted crayons and spite, just going at it. It’s not sexy. It’s a fascinatingly ugly artifact. The whole thing feels like a piece of lost media, a bootleg ROM hack that asks the hard questions, like "what if Yoda, but with a cock?" The lack of polish isn't a bug; it's the entire point. It's a single screen of pure, concentrated internet brain rot, and honestly, the only thing that could make it more perfect is if a text-to-speech voice read out the dialogue with the same broken, glitchy cadence as the visuals. But it won't be. That's the real tragedy.