StripPingGolf

The whole thing runs on a physics engine that feels like it was coded by someone who learned about gravity from watching cartoons. You've got this ping pong paddle, right, and you're supposed to be playing golf. Already my brain is doing the dial-up modem sound. The ball has the weight of a dying star and the bounce of a depressed superball. I spent a solid minute just trying to get the damn thing to clear a tiny sand trap, my paddle clipping through the ground like a Bethesda glitch, while this blonde just stands there with an expression that says she's rethinking every life choice that led to this photoshoot. The "real model" tag is doing some heavy lifting. She looks like a stock photo that got lost on its way to a business seminar and ended up in a basement browser game. The stripping is tied to filling holes, which is a sentence I just typed. You sink a putt into one of two literal holes on the green, and she loses a piece of clothing. It's the most unsexy transaction imaginable. Like, the eroticism of a vending machine. You don't feel like a player, you feel like you're debugging a very horny spreadsheet. The pong influence is just the paddle, I guess. A golf-pong-strip hybrid sounds like a mad libs prompt that should have stayed on the whiteboard. The sound design is just one stock golf-clap sound effect on a loop that will burrow into your skull. I wish the ball had a wet slap noise when it hit the hole. A small, petty complaint that I will carry to my grave. The whole thing has the chaotic energy of a Newgrounds submission from 2006 that somehow gained sentience and a very specific set of kinks. It's not good, but it's not pretending to be. It just is. A monument to a very particular kind of internet brain rot.

• arcade
• erotic
• golf
• strip
• pong