Charlie in tool time

The whole thing looks like someone filmed it through a jar of honey left in the sun. That deliberate unpolished thing, right? It's got that weird VHS fuzz around the edges, like an old tape you found under your uncle's bed that's been rewound too many times. I spent way too long just staring at the neighbor Wilson's fence. It's just a fence. But the way the saturation is cranked up, the wood grain looks almost aggressive, like it's judging me. And then Charlie, the blonde one, she's just there with her toolbox, and the proportions are... a choice. Her spine must be made of something that isn't bone, the way she leans over that garden bench. It's not bad, it's just a physics model from a parallel universe where gravity is a suggestion. The tools, man. The tools. There's a whole segment with a fucking machine that's been cobbled together from what looks like a lawnmower engine and pure spite. The sound design is just a repetitive clanking that somehow synced up with my upstairs neighbor's actual DIY project, and for a solid minute I couldn't tell which was the game and which was him trying to hang a shelf. I got weirdly focused on the dildo attachment. It clips through the workbench if you don't angle it right, just vanishes into the particle board. A ghost cock. That's a feature, I guess? The blowjob scene with the TV show host, Al Whoreland, has this dead-eyed stare that made me think my browser had frozen, but no, that's just his face. It's hypnotic. I forgot what I was doing. The humor is... present. It's the kind of pun-heavy stuff where you groan and then click the next dialogue option anyway. Tim Gaylord shows up and I actually snorted. It's stupid. It knows it's stupid. But then you're back to a close-up of a sex toy that looks suspiciously like a gardening trowel, and you're left wondering if this is a metaphor for something or if the dev just really likes hardware stores. The whole thing feels like a fever dream you'd have after watching a home renovation marathon while horny. It doesn't end so much as it just stops, leaving you with the faint smell of potting soil and regret.

• blonde
• charlie
• sextoy
• Dido
• tv show