The hookup files

I knew a redhead once. Dana something. She believed in little green men and government cover ups and never once let me touch her perfect, probably government funded tits. This game, this beautiful mess, is my therapy. The whole thing is a parody of that old X Files show, but who cares about the plot when Agent Charlie, or whatever her name is, walks in with those massive tits and that red hair. She's got this alien partner, Alie, who's all big eyes and weird skin and somehow still makes my pants tight. Don't ask me to explain it. The first scene where Charlie bends over a filing cabinet and you just... click. And she lets you. No investigation, no warrants, just her skirt up and your fingers doing what Mulder probably dreamed about for nine seasons. The fingering mechanic is stupid simple. Click, rub, she moans. But then there's this one moment where she turns around and it's anal. Just like that. No buildup, no romance. Which, honestly, is exactly how my last relationship ended, minus the anal part. The alien watches sometimes. I think. I was too focused on Charlie's cumshot face to notice. They really nailed that expression, the one where her eyes go half closed and her mouth opens and you feel like maybe, just maybe, this pixel woman appreciates you. The art is deliberately rough. Like someone drew it on a napkin while thinking about Scully. But that's the charm. That's the whole fucking point. It's not trying to be pretty. It's trying to be horny. And the audio, or lack of it, I don't know, I had my own sounds going. The alien's tits are also big. I forgot to mention that. They're just... there. Green and big. I wish there was more oral. There's some, but not enough. Charlie's mouth deserves more screen time. But I keep coming back anyway, clicking on that same filing cabinet, hoping this time she'll love me back.

• X-files
• alien
• fingering
• oral
• big tits