Interactive Stripper: XMAS

The whole thing runs on a single click. That's it. No inventory, no dialogue trees, no skill checks. Just your mouse pointer and a woman in a Santa outfit who will, eventually, get naked. The model they used has this look like she's about to ask for a manager at a Macy's, but then she does this little shimmy and the red coat drops and suddenly you're not thinking about retail anymore. The strip mechanic is weirdly paced. First click removes the hat. Fine, logical. Second click, the belt. Then the dress just evaporates? No, wait, it's the boots next. The order makes zero sense and I spent way too long fixating on this. Who programmed the sequence? Why are the stockings the third to last item? It's like the developer has never actually watched someone undress, which, given the nature of the project, is almost certainly true. The background is just a blurry mess of what I assume are supposed to be Christmas lights but honestly looks like a bokeh filter threw up on a JPEG from 2004. There's no sound. I clicked around expecting a jingle bell or a breathy "ho ho ho" or something, anything, but it's dead silent. Just you and this pixelated woman's dead eyed stare as she mechanically removes a garter belt. The whole thing has the energy of a very specific Newgrounds flash game from 2006 that you'd play on the family computer while your parents were out, heart pounding not from arousal but from the fear of getting caught and the sheer, baffling awkwardness of the presentation. The "sexy santa" tag is doing a lot of heavy lifting here. She's wearing red. That's the holiday connection. Could've been a firefighter, a Target employee, a lobster. The xmas spirit is nonexistent. I wish the game had a "reverse" button. Sometimes you click too fast and miss the transition from bra to bare chest and you want to go back, but you can't. You just have to refresh the whole page and start the striptease over from the Santa hat. A small tragedy. The real model tag is technically true, it's a real person photographed, but the compression artifacts are so aggressive her skin looks like a topographical map of a desert. Still clicked through all of it though. Twice.

• striptease
• holidays
• erotic
• xmas
• strip