D.Q. Fight

The sprite for Bianca, she does this little shoulder shimmy right before her turn. It's supposed to be a taunt I think but the animation loops with only three frames so it looks like she's got a bug in her armor. That's the whole vibe here. A Dragon Quest parody where you pick a girl, stack some abilities with names like "Fire Slash" and "Heal," and then watch two static images bump into each other until a health bar empties. The text fight system is basically a math problem wearing a JRPG costume. The real draw is the hentai reward screen. Big tits, obviously. The art for Jessica is the only one that doesn't look like it was traced from a half remembered DeviantArt commission from 2007. Her pose has actual weight to it, the way her back arches. The others, Alena especially, have this weird thing where the nipples seem to be staring in two completely different directions. It's uncanny. You beat them and the picture just pops up, no animation, no voice, just a wet slapping sound effect that loops and sounds exactly like someone stepping in mud. I wish the game would just let me mute that specific sound but keep the battle music, which is a chiptune banger that has no right being this catchy. It won't happen though. There's a secret if you lose to Maniya three times in a row on purpose. The game calls you a "pathetic worm" in broken English and then shows a slightly different picture where she's stepping on the camera. It's the most personality the whole thing has. The ability selection before each fight is where it all falls apart. You can just max out one attack skill and ignore the rest. The "carefully select" part of the description is a lie. It's just clicking the biggest number. I kept waiting for a reason to use the debuff skills but the AI just spams the same weak slash over and over. The whole thing feels like a flash game that escaped from Newgrounds and is now just... sitting there. The body language of the sprites tells you everything. Minea's victory pose is just her idle pose but tilted five degrees. That's the level of polish we're dealing with. A tilted jpeg and a muddy squelch.

• dragon quest
• pictures
• text fight
• big tits
• parody