Inspector J Episode Finale

This is the kind of game that makes you wonder if anyone involved has ever actually seen a woman, or a party, or a functional room. Inspector J, what a title. Sounds like some bargain bin detective, and I guess that's exactly what he is. You've solved the big case against the mayor. Great work, detective. Time to celebrate. The celebration is... well. The description says fat chicks, but the model they got, this real model brunette, she's just there. Standing. And then not standing. There's a striptease element that feels like it was animated by someone who learned human movement from a flipbook drawn on a sticky note pad. One moment she's clothed, the next the clothes just sort of cease to exist. No poetry to it. I spent more time clicking through dialogue that felt like placeholder text a programmer wrote at 4 PM on a Friday, just to get the quest markers to trigger. And the detective angle. You'd think a game with this tag would have you, I don't know, detecting something during the adult bits. Using your magnifying glass for more than just clues. But no, the whole investigation is over. This is just the victory screen. A weirdly static, unpolished victory screen where the erotic tension is about as high as a damp towel. The video loops, I think. I zoned out. The real model's expression never changes. She's seen things. Not the mayor's crimes, but the production schedule. I complained to myself about the lack of a skip button, but there wasn't one, so I just sat there. Real models deserve better direction than this. To get anything out of this, you have to pretend you're the character. Really sell it to yourself. Mumble some noir monologue while the striptease glitches. "The dame had curves that could make a man forget his own badge number." Stuff like that. It's the only way to inject a pulse into what's basically a screensaver with delusions of grandeur. Don't expect a payoff. Just expect it to end.

• video
• quest
• Inspector J
• real model
• striptease