Big Boys Billiard

The felt is green, the balls are shiny, and the girls are... well, they're losing their clothes. That's the whole deal with this billiard game. I'm not sure what I expected, maybe some complex physics engine? No. You sink a ball, a real model on the screen takes something off. It's that simple. My partner and I, we tried to make it a thing, you know? Like, "Oh, let's play a sexy game together." But the billiards part is so basic it's almost funny. The aiming line is janky, the cue ball moves like it's on ice, and I swear one shot went in because of a glitch, not my skill. But then the girl on the side of the table, a blonde with a look that says she's thinking about her taxes, just unhooks her bra. And you forget about the terrible shot physics. The videos are surprisingly clear, not that grainy, pixelated mess you sometimes get. It's just a loop, a short one, but it does the job. My partner laughed when I completely missed a straight shot because I was watching the striptease. "Focus," she said, but her eyes were on the screen too. The whole thing is a lesbian fantasy setup, two girls eventually getting very, very friendly with each other once the balls are all pocketed. The transition from "I am playing pool" to "oh, they are kissing now" is abrupt, like a sneeze you don't feel coming. There's no deep strategy. You just keep shooting until the table is clear. I wish there was a way to pick which girl does what, or maybe a different camera angle. The one we get is fine, but after the third game, you've seen the exact same sequence. It's a one-trick pony, but the trick is a naked woman, so... it's not the worst thing. The sound is just generic lounge music, the kind that makes you feel like you're in a hotel lobby at 2 PM. We ended up muting it and putting on our own playlist. It's a strange little appetizer of a game, nothing more. It doesn't pretend to be anything else, and I have to respect that, even if the pool itself is an afterthought.

• lesbian
• striptease
• real model
• strip
• billiard