Lois Griffin: Hookup Sim

Fucking hell, this thing. It's like someone took a Family Guy clip, ran it through a blender with a bunch of hardcore porn gifs, and then just... left it. The whole point is Peter Griffin. Just Peter. His big dumb polygon body is there, and you're basically a floating camera with a menu. You click, he does stuff. Lois is there too, but she's mostly just a pair of tits and a mouth that's permanently stuck in that weird Marge Simpson mumble. The blowjob scene is the first thing I clicked, obviously. His dick is this featureless cylinder, no joke, like a pink glue stick, and Lois just bobs on it with zero facial expression. It's so janky it loops back around to being hypnotic. I sat there for a solid minute just watching the animation glitch out when you try to switch positions mid-action. The titfuck is even more absurd, her chest doesn't even deform, his glue stick just clips right through her shirt. I think the developer, that self-described perverted fuckwit, actually left a debug message in one corner. Or maybe that's a feature. Can't tell. Sounds are ripped straight from the show, so you'll hear Peter's stupid laugh randomly during a cowgirl scene, which is so jarring I choked on my drink. The cumshot is just a white splash texture that appears and then vanishes, no physics, no nothing. It's the laziest thing I've ever seen and I couldn't stop laughing. The whole thing runs in a browser, feels like a Newgrounds submission from 2005 that somehow got lost and found its way here. Don't expect a game, there's no win state, just a digital dildo you can drag around. I hate that I'm still thinking about it.

• dildo
• Griffins
• family guy
• blowjob
• cumshot