Bloodlines v1.0

You know what I hate? When a game called Bloodlines has the audacity to open with a funeral and somehow make me horny within fifteen minutes. That’s a real skill, or maybe a sign of deep psychological damage, I can’t decide. Angelica’s dad kicks the bucket, she moves to a new city, and immediately the whole world starts treating her like a walking set of holes. The 3DCG models have that slightly waxy, uncanny look where everyone’s skin is too smooth, like mannequins that learned to sweat. It’s not polished, the animations sometimes jerk like a puppet with a broken string, but fuck if it doesn’t commit to the bit. The corruption angle isn’t subtle. It’s a sledgehammer. One minute she’s crying about her dead father, the next she’s getting felt up on a bus by some random dilf and the game’s like “here’s a close up of her pussy getting groped through her skirt, enjoy your trauma.” The multiple protagonist thing lets you hop into other family members, which is where the milf tag comes in swinging. Her mom’s storyline is basically a speedrun into prostitution and stripping to solve a mystery, which makes zero logical sense but leads to a lot of graphic vaginal and anal scenes with criminals. The interracial group sex scene in the back of a club felt like it was directed by someone who learned about human anatomy from hentai and just went with it. There’s this one voyeurism bit where you watch a family member masturbate through a crack in the door, and the game lingers on it for so long I started to feel like I was the one being investigated for a crime. The mystery plot is genuinely stupid. Something about her dad’s death and a criminal underworld, but it’s just a clothesline to hang creampie after creampie on. I got stuck on a dialogue choice for ten minutes because the logic tree was written by a drunk squirrel, and then the next scene was a graphic sexual harassment sequence in a police station that made me forget what I was even trying to accomplish. The drama is so overwrought it circles back to being hilarious. I think I was supposed to feel bad during a corruption scene involving multiple penetration, but the sound effect for the zipper was so loud and aggressive I laughed and spilled my drink. It’s a mess. A sticky, unapologetic mess that knows exactly what you’re here for and refuses to pretend it has class.

• multiple penetration
• dilf
• milf
• prostitution
• mystery