Tits Under Cards-Duo

Something about the card art bothers me. Not the girl, she's fine, blonde hair cascading in that specific way real models do when they know exactly what the lens is doing. No, it's the card edges. They don't look right when you drag them. Like someone cut them out with dull scissors in MS Paint and then forgot to smooth the selection. I spent three rounds losing to a woman named Eva because I couldn't stop staring at this one jagged pixel on the seven of hearts. She was taking off her stockings, and I'm thinking about anti-aliasing. The game itself is this odd mashup. You've got a standard deck, 52 tiles, and you merge them by covering lower cards with higher ones of the same suit. Build up score, beat the opponent's number. Simple. Almost meditative until the clothes start coming off. Win a round, she loses a piece. Lose a round, well, nothing happens except your pride and maybe you learn she has a tattoo on her hip you didn't notice before. The real model thing, it's not a gimmick here. It feels like watching someone's slightly awkward webcam show from 2008, complete with that one move where she hooks her thumb into her waistband and hesitates for just a fraction of a second. That hesitation is the whole game, really. The cards are just busy work for your hands while you wait. Sometimes I'd win three rounds in a row and she'd be down to just her bra and this look, not exactly disappointment but something close to boredom. Made me feel like I was interrupting her evening. Other times, I'd lose horribly because I got distracted trying to remember if the queen of clubs was worth more than the jack and suddenly she's pulling her top off with this little smirk that says she knew exactly what was going on. The scoring feels arbitrary after a while. Who decided a full house merge should be worth that many points? Doesn't matter. You're not here for the math.

• strip
• real model
• blonde
• striptease
• card game