Poker Train

My kid could probably figure out the train switching puzzle faster than me. That's what I'm thinking while this blonde in a business skirt slowly takes off her blouse. The game is basically two things mashed together. You sort train cars by poker hand values on one screen, and on the other a real model strips when you pay her with the money you earn. Real model. Not a drawing. Actual woman with that slightly awkward look people get when they're doing something sexy but also probably cold. The puzzle part. It's a sorting yard with tracks and you need to arrange the cars so the poker hands make sense. Pairs, three of a kind, that stuff. I kept messing up the order because I was distracted. Obviously. The logic isn't hard exactly but the interface feels like something from 2005. Clicking is imprecise. Sometimes a car goes where you want, sometimes it doesn't. Drove me nuts. But then she takes off the skirt and suddenly I don't care about the stupid train controls anymore. The stripping is tiered. You win some cash from a correct poker hand, you click to pay her, she removes something. It's transactional in a way that's almost funny. Like a very honest business arrangement. No pretending. The video quality is what you'd expect. Not amazing. Lighting is flat. But there's something about the unpolishedness that makes it feel more real than those overproduced games with perfect renders. She's just there in what looks like someone's apartment, doing a striptease next to a toy train set basically. I spent way too long trying to get a full house just to see if the bra comes off. It does. The game doesn't hide what it is. You're paying a digital woman to undress by solving train puzzles. That's the whole thing. No story, no character development, just trains and tits. My boss walked by and I had to alt tab so fast I lost my progress. Had to redo three poker hands. Worth it though. The soundtrack is this looping generic jazz thing that I muted after four minutes.

• striptease
• poker
• logic
• real model
• erotic