Ass Effect v1.0

So the whole thing runs in browser, right, and I'm sitting there with my chiptune playlist going because the game's own music is like, elevator jazz from a dead mall. You're a captain, whatever, four alien girls on the ship. Talizorah, Liara, you know the drill if you've ever touched a Bioware game. The RPG bits are thin, like a mobile game from 2014, but the sandbox part means you can just bounce between rooms and trigger scenes. There's this one titfuck scene with the blue one, Liara, and the animation loops are janky but in a way that loops perfectly if you're into that hypnotic low frame rate thing. Like a corrupted VHS of a hentai OVA. The combat is there. I guess. You click and numbers happen. I spent way too long trying to figure out if the groping minigame had a hidden combo system. It doesn't. But the creampie endings are all there, multiple penetration too, and the monster girl one, she's got this weird mouth thing that I kept thinking about during a boss fight. The boss fight was just a bigger number. I wish the alien sex was weirder, you know? They're aliens but they all have the same two tits and one hole setup. Talizorah's face is off model in half the scenes, like they forgot her cheekbones exist. Anyway, the cheat menu is right there, no shame. I used it to skip the space exploration because the map is just dots. The group sex scene at the end, all four of them, it's fine. It's fine. The male protagonist has no face, which is correct. If you're the kind of person who has a folder of Mass Effect rule 34 and also plays idle clickers while listening to Anamanaguchi, this is your weird little Tuesday. Don't expect a story. The human race is dying or something, I forgot.

• 2dcg
• parody
• titfuck
• Sandbox
• alien sex