Candy Shop - Super-fucking-hot Ball

The whole thing is a mess of bright colors and weird proportions, like someone threw a candy store into a blender with a porno mag. You got this devil girl, right? Huge tits, obviously, and she's supposed to be running some kind of taste test for new sweets. The dialogue is so broken it loops back around to being funny. She says something like "Your cream will make the best flavor" and I actually snorted my drink. The pickup line mechanic is just clicking through options that all lead to the same sticky end. There's no game here, not really. It's a slideshow with extra steps. The threesome scene unlocks if you pick the "sweet and sour" option twice, which makes zero sense but whatever. The animation, if you can call it that, is just a few frames looping. The sound is a single wet squelch on repeat. I had to mute it because it started to sound like a clogged drain. The other girl, the "nice" one, just kind of appears. No intro, no reason. She's just suddenly there, and the devil girl is grinning like she planned it. The cumshot lands on a lollipop. I'm not kidding. They actually animated that part with more care than the rest of the game combined. It's so stupid. I don't know why I kept clicking. Maybe to see if it would get worse. It did. The background is just a static image of a candy shop that looks like it was drawn in MS Paint. There's a jar of gumballs that's just a solid red circle. I stared at it for a solid minute while the loop played out. This isn't a game you play, it's a thing you witness. A bizarre, horny, low effort thing. The humor is entirely accidental, I think. But I was laughing. Not with it, definitely at it. The whole experience is like finding a sticky, half eaten jawbreaker under your couch. You're not happy about it, but you're also not looking away.

• humor
• big tits
• cumshot
• candy shop
• funny