Confidant Trainer

God, the outfits in this thing are a disaster and I can't look away. Confidant Trainer is supposedly a dating sim slash visual novel parody thing, but it feels like someone raided a Spirit Halloween after a clearance sale and just... kept going. You're training these anime girls, right, and their default looks are so aggressively generic it circles back to being fascinating. There's this one girl, long blue hair, who wears what I can only describe as a bikini top that lost a fight with a pair of scissors and shorts so low rise they're basically a pelvic suggestion. The art isn't polished, it's got that slightly off model, fan project energy where one eye is always bigger than the other, but that jank actually makes the lewd bits hit different. It's like finding smutty doodles in a notebook instead of a glossy magazine. The gameplay is just clicking through text and picking dialogue options, standard trainer stuff where you boost stats by being a creep or a nice guy. You can make the girls do increasingly explicit poses during these photo shoot sessions, and the game does not shy away from showing everything. Pussy, ass, tits, the whole buffet, all drawn with this unpolished, almost desperate horniness. The writing is terrible in the best way, full of lines that sound like they were translated through three different languages and then back into English by a horny alien. "Your confidence level is now making my heart doki doki faster," one girl actually says while spreading her legs. I choked on my drink. What gets me is the little customization bits where you can change their hair color or give them cat ears, but the cat ears just float slightly above their heads, never quite attaching. It's such a minor detail but I spent ten minutes just staring at this floating headband, completely ignoring the wet pussy on display. The parody elements are there, I guess, poking at Persona 5's confidant system, but it's just a flimsy excuse to get these poorly dressed sluts naked. And the sound design? There's a squelching noise during the sex scenes that sounds exactly like someone stirring a bowl of mac and cheese. Once you hear it, you can't unhear it. I haven't touched my mac and cheese since. Anyway, the blue haired girl's arc is about learning to love her body, which is rich considering her spine is drawn in a position that would paralyze a real person. I respect the commitment to nonsense.

• dating simulator
• visual novel
• hentai
• trainer
• dating