Skyrim Sucky-sucky

This thing. Another Skyrim parody, because of course. The loading screen on the f95zone thread for it is probably longer than the actual game, which is just... Lydia. Just Lydia, standing there with her dead eyes and that blocky armor from 2011, ready to do the thing. You know the thing. The "I am sworn to carry your burdens" thing, but now the burden is your dick and she's not complaining, which honestly feels like a betrayal of her entire character. The real Lydia would be standing in the doorway blocking you from even getting your pants off. So you've got this pleasure meter, right, the most basic mechanic ripped from a thousand flash games that died with Newgrounds. You click to stroke, click to suck, and the bar fills up. When it stops, you switch actions. That's it. That's the whole game. No shouts, no Thu'um, no accidentally killing a chicken and having the entire hold aggro onto your erect penis. I kept waiting for a random dragon to fly overhead and interrupt the scene, a real missed opportunity. The cumshot is there, predictably, splashing across her face that still has the exact same vacant expression as when she's watching you sort iron ingots in Breezehome. It's a handjob, then a blowjob, then the end. The animation loops are so stiff, like someone posed the SFM models once and just jiggled the mouse. I wish the game had a dialogue wheel where you could try to romance her with the standard Skyrim persuade options and she'd just reply "I am sworn to carry your burdens" in an increasingly suggestive tone until you fail the speech check and she pulls out an ebony blade. That won't happen. The modding community, though, they're the real heroes. Someone probably already ported this exact sequence into the actual Skyrim with full physics and a questline involving the Daedric Prince of Getting Your Rocks Off. That's where the real gameplay is, not in this browser tab you'll close and forget about faster than a courier delivering a letter of inheritance. The whole thing is a quick, unpolished nut, like finding a dirty note under a bench in Riften. Does the job, I guess, but you feel a little grimy and you're not telling the Jarl about it.

• handjob
• skyrim
• cumshot
• lydia
• blowjob