Whores Of Thrones Season 2

The sprite work in Whores of Thrones is a goddamn mess, and I mean that as a compliment. Watching Cersei's tits bounce with all the physics of a water balloon tied to a ceiling fan while she lectures you about feudal obligations is the kind of jank that loops back around to hypnotic. The animators clearly spent their budget on the jiggle sliders and said fuck it to everything else. Arya's face during the footjob scene looks like she's trying to remember if she left the oven on, but her toes curl with the precision of a concert pianist. Body language is a language, and this game speaks it with a stutter and a lisp, but it still gets the point across. You play some nobody lordling who stumbles into the whole incestuous, blackmailing, exhibitionist circus that is this parody of Westeros. Daenerys shows up with her dragons and her strap-on, and suddenly you're getting pegged in a dungeon while Sansa watches from a chair, masturbating with a candlestick. The corruption mechanics are straightforward, you push characters toward their worst impulses and the game rewards you with increasingly unhinged anal scenes and gay subplots that feel bolted on but somehow work. The religion system is there too, mostly as a joke about septas with vibrators hidden in their robes. I keep coming back to the monster sex. There's a scene with a wight that made me laugh so hard I nearly closed the tab, but then the animation looped and I sat there for another ten minutes. The writing is translated by someone who clearly learned English from porn captions and a thesaurus they didn't fully trust. One minute Cersei is threatening to ruin your house, the next she's begging for a footjob while calling you "my liege of lewdness." It's stupid. It's hot. It's both at once, and the game never apologizes for it.

• parody
• religion
• fantasy
• arya
• lesbian