Ocean Cruise GAMES
Everything Ocean Cruise in one place. Choose from 4 games and jump straight in.
- pickup▶ INSERT COIN
Meet and Pound - Ocean Cruise
I keep a folder of saves for these quiz games. Not because they're good, but because the community mods get wild. Someone ripped all the CGs from this cruise ship thing and posted them on F95zone with a patch that skips the questions entirely. The patch description just said "for research" but we all know. The base game has you playing as Nick Sanders, this photographer who looks like he bought his camera at a department store, and you're on a cruise trying to get twelve shots for some porn calendar. The girls aren't models, they're just passengers, so you have to quiz them first. Like, actual trivia questions. About what? I don't remember. Geography maybe. One question asked about the capital of Australia and I got it wrong and the girl put her top back on. That's the mechanic. You fail a quiz, you don't get the shot. The swimsuit designs are actually decent. There's this one girl, redhead with the ridiculous proportions, her bikini looks painted on. The artist knew what they were doing with the tan lines. But the quiz part, god. You're on a luxury ocean liner and the seduction technique is multiple choice questions? I wish they'd made it about actual photography. Like framing shots or lighting choices. That won't happen though. The game is what it is. The pickup dialogue between quizzes is so stiff it circles back to being funny. Nick says something like "your eyes remind me of the ocean we're sailing on" and the girl responds with a geography question about rivers. I screenshotted that exchange. Sent it to a dating advice column once as a joke submission. They didn't publish it. But honestly, the lesson here is that persistence matters more than charm. Nick fails upward through twelve encounters and somehow ends up with a calendar. The final image set has this one shot with the sunset behind the pool deck that's genuinely well composed. Then you remember you answered fifteen questions about world capitals to see it.
- muscle▶ INSERT COIN
House of Morecock in Moby Beefstick 1
Booting this up felt like finding a crusty old VHS under a sailor's bunk. The animation, oh god, it's got that specific Flash-era jank where a bicep will inflate to the size of a watermelon for exactly two frames before snapping back. There's a particular scene with a guy in a captain's hat that I swear his jaw unhinges like a snake. Not in a hot way, more like a glitch in the matrix. The voice acting is there too, this muffled, echoey grunting that sounds like it was recorded on a Nokia flip phone inside a tin can. It loops. It loops so badly. You'll hear the same "oh yeah" three times in a row and it stops being erotic and starts being a comedy sketch. The whole thing is set on this ocean cruise but the backgrounds are doing a lot of heavy lifting. A porthole here, a bit of railing there. Mostly it's just a flat color with these impossibly muscular men clipping into each other. The uniforms are a nice touch, tight whites that strain against pecs that have their own gravitational pull. But then you notice the hands. The fingers are just these weird fleshy mittens that never quite grip anything, just sort of hover and spasm. I spent way too long staring at a hand that was supposed to be squeezing an ass but looked more like it was trying to cast a spell. For a game called House of Morecock, you'd expect a certain level of, well, cock. It's there, rendered with the same bizarre anatomical creativity as the rest. There's a sequence in a cabin that's pure concentrated yaoi chaos, all tangled limbs and a bed that seems to exist in a different dimension than the characters. The humor tag is doing the real work here because I was cackling. Not with it, exactly, but at the sheer audacity of the whole production. It's a relic, a horny time capsule from a lawless era of the internet. You don't play this for a polished experience. You boot it up to witness the raw, unfiltered id of someone who just wanted to see big men fuck on a boat and didn't let minor things like anatomy or audio quality stop them. The muscle definition is just a series of lines drawn on a balloon animal. I wish the ship would sink, just to see how the engine would handle water physics. It wouldn't, but the thought is funny.
- swimsuit▶ INSERT COIN
Meet'N'Fuck: Ocean Cruise
Twelve photos. That's the job. Nick Sanders, some guy from Springfield with a camera and probably a cheap lens, gets sent on an ocean cruise by Playdude magazine. Not to relax. To fill their annual calendar. And the catch, the one that makes you go "ah, of course," is that none of the women on the boat are actual models. They're just... passengers. In swimsuits. So the whole game is this loop of walking around the ship's deck, finding a girl, and then figuring out how to get her bikini off for the shot. The seduction part is weirdly specific. You don't just click and win. There's this one woman, a redhead near the pool bar, who keeps talking about how her ex never appreciated her "angles." You have to pick dialogue options that sound like you know about lighting, even though Nick's portfolio is probably empty. I spent way too long on her, honestly. The dialogue trees are simple but some of the rejections are funnier than the successes. One girl told me my camera strap looked cheap and walked away. I was genuinely offended for a second. The art is that classic Meet'n'Fuck style, everyone's got that glossy look, like they're all slightly oiled even when they're just standing there. The cruise ship setting feels like a fever dream. Endless blue ocean, the same deck chairs repeating. You're just this photographer in board shorts, lurking. The whole "nude" tag comes into play after you crack their initial resistance, then it's a photoshoot minigame that's... fine. It works. The model tag is funny because they're explicitly not models, that's the plot, but by the end they're posing like they've been doing it for years. There's a photographer tag too, obviously, but Nick never actually adjusts any settings on his camera. Not once. Just points and shoots. What kind of professional... nevermind. The swimsuit variety is decent, lots of string bikinis that look like they'd come undone if someone sneezed. Which, I guess, is the whole point.
- uniform▶ INSERT COIN
Cabin Cruise v0.10.0
The first time you corner that MILF in the laundry room, she's still wearing her officer's uniform. Skirt hiked up, pressed against the humming dryer, and you're not even asking anymore. Just taking. The game doesn't bother with subtlety and honestly, why would it. You're the first officer on a rust bucket cruise ship where everyone's got a secret and apparently all of them involve getting naked for you. The sandbox setup means you wander around this floating disaster picking who to corrupt next. I spent way too long just circling the pool deck because one of the guests has this habit of bending over at exactly the wrong moment. The internal view during scenes is a nice touch. You actually see what's happening inside during vaginal, which is something I didn't know I wanted until now. The ahegao faces are ridiculous. Over the top. The kind where eyes roll back and tongue lolls out like they've been drugged. And maybe they have been, who knows. The blackmail system isn't really explained. You just sort of... accumulate leverage. Photos, secrets, whatever. Then suddenly the prim and proper cruise director is on her knees in the bridge giving a sloppy handjob while you steer the ship. Or not steer it. I don't think the navigation matters. The footjob scenes feel tacked on. Like someone remembered that was a thing and threw it in during the last week of development. But the titfuck animations. Jesus. There's this one passenger, big tits obviously, and the way the animation loops while she stares up with that vacant expression. It's hypnotic. The stripping mechanics are weirdly specific too. You can remove individual pieces of clothing during certain encounters but not others. Never figured out the pattern. The humiliation stuff gets dark. Not in a way that made me uncomfortable, more like... huh, okay, we're really going there. Public groping on the lido deck while other passengers pretend not to notice. The male domination angle is pretty much the whole point. You're not seducing anyone. You're taking what you want and the game rewards that with increasingly unhinged corruption arcs. The ship is falling apart, the crew is incompetent, and somewhere between the engine room and the captain's quarters you realize you've turned this cruise into your personal floating brothel.