Sohos GAMES
Dive into 2 Sohos games, hand-picked and ready to start right in your browser.
- dildo▶ INSERT COIN
Sohos Ep. 3
The ice cube. That's where my brain just stopped. Not the coke, not the tampons up the nose, which honestly is a look I didn't know I needed for my Friday night, but the slow, deliberate insertion of ice into a supermodel's ass. Claudia Schiffer, digital edition, fresh from her big break with some famous photographer whose name I already forgot, comes home and just... ices herself. The animation here is so janky it loops like a broken GIF from 2004, her face frozen in this blank Barbie stare while her hand goes back and forth, back and forth. I laughed so hard I nearly choked on my vape. Is this what they mean by method acting? The bathroom setting is doing a lot of heavy lifting. Tiles that look like they were drawn in MS Paint, a bathtub that exists purely as a suggestion, and Claudia just going about her business. There's this dildo scene that feels almost apologetic, like the game is embarrassed to be showing it. The model work is bizarre, her proportions shifting between frames like someone kept adjusting the sliders mid-render. At one point her hair, which is very blonde, very much giving 90s supermodel fantasy, clips through her shoulder and I just sat there watching it, mesmerized. The humor is definitely not intentional but that makes it better, you know? Like finding a moldy strawberry in the punnet and eating it anyway because you paid for them. Lesbian content shows up and it's somehow both the most explicit and the least sexy thing I've ever clicked through. Two plastic bodies rubbing together with all the passion of a furniture assembly instruction. And yet. And yet I kept clicking. There's something about watching a broken simulation of Claudia Schiffer shove a dildo where the sun don't shine while tampons dangle from her nostrils that rewires your expectations. The game never explains the tampons. They're just there. A silent testament to a crazy night. I respect that commitment to nonsense. The photographer contract is mentioned once and then abandoned like a side quest you forgot to save before quitting. What was his name? Doesn't matter. Ice cube. That's the real star here.
- humor▶ INSERT COIN
Sohos Ep. 4
I almost closed the tab when I saw Claudia Schiffer's name attached. Like, what timeline is this. Some weird celebrity porn flashback from the dial-up era where you'd download a single jpeg and call it a night. But here we are, and honestly the whole thing has this unpolished, almost found-footage energy that's hard to look away from. The animation is stiff in that particular way where limbs don't quite bend at joints but rather somewhere in the middle of the bone. It's wrong. I kept watching anyway. The setup is Claudia telling her friend about landing some contract, which is the flimsiest excuse for a blowjob scene I've encountered this month. The limo sequence is where things get properly unhinged. The physics engine, if you can call it that, gives her this bobblehead motion during the act that's equal parts hypnotic and deeply unsettling. The blonde hair clips through her shoulders constantly. At one point the camera angle shifts to this bizarre overhead view that makes zero spatial sense given they're supposedly in a vehicle. The bathroom scene later has tile textures that look like they were photographed off a real bathroom wall in 2003 and stretched wrong. I'm not complaining. What sticks with me is how the dialogue keeps circling back to the contract like that's what anyone's thinking about. She's describing the logistics of this professional arrangement while the model's expression stays frozen in this half-lidded stare that reads as either arousal or mild food poisoning. The sohos tag apparently refers to the locations, which I figured out only after the third scene transition confused me entirely. The humor here is mostly unintentional but it lands. The whole thing feels like someone animated a very specific fantasy and then deliberately left all the rough edges in as some kind of aesthetic choice. Or maybe they just didn't care. Both possibilities intrigue me. I nominate this for Best Use of a Limo That's Clearly Just a Dark Rectangle With Window Cutouts. The sound design deserves mention too, there's this one looping ambient hum throughout that I'm pretty sure is just the creator's computer fan picked up by the mic. Dare to play it alone, or invite company? Actually don't. This is a solo experience. A private little trainwreck you'll remember more fondly than half the polished stuff flooding the front page.