Summoner's Quest Ch.9.5

The loading screen for this parody just hangs there, a crude drawing of Jinx that looks like someone did it in MS Paint while half asleep. No animation, no music at first, just that image. I almost closed the tab. Then a text box pops up with broken English and I'm supposed to be some summoner dude, and Vi is standing there with tits that defy every law of physics. The whole thing feels like it was slapped together in a weekend, maybe a single night, but that's also kind of the charm? It doesn't pretend to be something it's not. You pick a route, Vi or Caitlyn, and the dialogue is this glorious mess of horny nonsense. Vi says something like "I will punch you then kiss you" and I laughed out loud. The choices are basic, maybe two per scene, but they actually change what insults she throws at you before the clothes come off. There's this moment where Caitlyn adjusts her hat for the fifth time and I'm thinking, is this a fetish for the dev? The whole thing is unpolished, deliberately so, and the sex scene at the end of each route is described with the kind of direct filth you'd expect from a late-night chatroom. Wet pussy, hard cock, the works. No metaphors, no poetry, just fucking. What bugs me though, and I know it won't get fixed, is that Jinx is on the damn title screen but she's barely in the game. A few lines, a flash of her crazy smile, then nothing. Why put her front and center if you're not gonna let me rail the loose cannon? The Caitlyn route has this weird moment where the text refers to her as "the sheriff lady" like the writer forgot her name mid-sentence. The art during the sex scene is actually more detailed than the rest, like all the effort went into the cumshot. Fair enough, I guess. The game knows what it is, a quick wank for League fans who've spent too long on Rule34. It doesn't overstay its welcome, doesn't try to be deep, just gives you two champions and a sticky ending. I still wish I could've fucked Jinx though.

• parody
• summoners quest
• Vi
• league of legends
• visual novel