Dr Phil

The whole thing runs on that classic setup where Dr. Phil brings in some blonde to fix a marriage, but the husband can't get it up for his wife. Standard stuff, right? Except the redhead wife is the one who ends up needing the most convincing. I spent way too long on the first dialogue tree, trying to pick the option that wouldn't make Chalrie walk out. The writing is rough, like someone translated it through three different languages and then back again. But that's part of the charm, honestly. It feels like a bootleg DVD you'd find under a car seat. The blowjob scene with the milf character comes out of nowhere. One minute she's talking about emotional intimacy, the next she's on her knees while Dr. Phil watches from his chair like a confused owl. The animation loops are short, maybe three seconds each, and the sound is just... wet slapping noises that don't sync up. I had my phone on silent anyway because I was on the bus. Some guy next to me kept glancing over and I had to tilt the screen away. Not my proudest moment. There's a weird moment where Ozbourne himself shows up and just stands in the corner of the frame, fully clothed, while the blonde goes to town on his wife. Nobody acknowledges him. I think it's a bug but it might be intentional commentary. Either way, it made me laugh harder than any actual joke in the dialogue. The game forgets to explain why Chalrie is even qualified for this, but whatever. You're not here for the plot. The redhead's tits bounce in a way that defies physics and I respect that. Wish there was a skip button for the therapy talk though.

• chalrie
• blonde
• blowjob
• Dr Phil
• ozbourne