Franks adventure 1 Beach

You know that feeling when the bus is late and you just need something, anything, to make the next five minutes less gray. This game is that. It's deliberately shit, like someone made it in a weekend with a cracked copy of some old engine and a head full of bad ideas. The graphics look like a forgotten Newgrounds submission from 2003, all smeared colors and characters that move like they've got a broken leg. Frank, the guy you control, walks so slow through this big empty city. So painfully slow. I almost threw my phone at the wall. But then you find the quest. You buy cocaine. You give it to a girl. She gives you a naked picture. You sell it. That's the whole loop. It's so stupid it circles back to being brilliant. The humor is bone dry, the kind where you're not sure if the creator is a genius or just didn't care. The boobs are there, drawn with all the grace of a teenager's notebook sketch, and they're somehow funnier than they are hot. Or maybe they're hot because they're funny. I don't know anymore. I wish there was a sprint button. There won't ever be a sprint button. Talking to random NPCs on the beach or in the city, hoping they'll have what you need, it's like panhandling for pixels. One guy just said "no" and walked into a wall for ten seconds. I respected that. It's an adventure game that hates being an adventure game. The quests are less puzzles and more just... clicking on things until the next tit pic pops up. Sometimes I think about how much better my commute would be if the game had, like, a map. Or if the mouse controls weren't so floaty. But then I'm back in it, dragging Frank across another screen, and I realize the jank is the whole point. It's a hentai game that forgot to be sexy and became something else entirely.

• boobs
• hentai
• humor
• city
• quest