Grand Fuck Auto

The first thing that hits you is the Selena Gomez lookalike. Not just a passing resemblance, they really went for it, that specific curve of jaw and the way her hair falls. She's the driver, which in these games always means she's the one you're actually playing for. The rest of the crew, two guys who are basically interchangeable, they're just there to hold guns and sweat. The plot is pure Heist movie fantasy, unemployed guy falls into bank robbery, and the tension is supposed to come from the manager hitting the silent alarm. But the real tension is how long until the sex scene triggers. The shooting part is... there. You click, things fall down, cops yell. It's a shooter in the way that tapping a rhythm game is music. What's weird is how the visual novel bits keep interrupting with these long text boxes about moral dilemmas. Will you fight or submit? The game asks this while the lady in the driver's seat is rendered in this glossy CG hentai style that makes her skin look like polished plastic. The beach tag is a lie, by the way. There's no beach. Maybe it's in the full version, but here you just get a bank and a criminal amount of close-ups on her chest during the planning phase. I spent too long staring at the bank vault door. The texture on it is surprisingly detailed for something that's just background, little scratches and rivets that nobody else will ever notice. The anal tag is there if you make certain choices, and it's about as graceful as the robbery itself, sudden and with minimal setup. The parody aspect is thin, it's more like they watched the trailer for a heist movie once and filled in the gaps with what they assume adults want. The game doesn't end so much as it stops, a demo that cuts off right when the dilemma should get interesting, leaving you with a "to be continued" that probably never will be.

• parody
• criminal
• bank
• anal
• adventure