New World Paradise - Version: 0.2.2.1

Right, so the whole thing kicks off with you being a total failure. Like, spectacularly bad at your job. You're a Marine captain, supposed to catch the Straw Hats, and you fuck it up so hard that the game's entire premise is you doing scut work as punishment. That's the vibe. It's not some power fantasy, it's a groveling-up-the-ladder fantasy, and honestly, that's way hotter. The art is this deliberately rough 2DCG style, like someone's really horny fan comic that got way out of hand. Tashigi's glasses are always a bit crooked, Hina's proportions are insane in a way that defies anatomy, and the ahegao faces look like their brains are melting out their ears. It's perfect. The combat is this weird turn-based thing where I still don't know what half the buttons do. I just mashed through to get to the good stuff. And the good stuff is mostly groping. There's a whole sandbox section where you're just, like, a delivery guy, a courier, and you "accidentally" bump into Miss Doublefinger. The writing for that bit is so stupid, she's all "clumsy fool" and then five seconds later you're doing things that would get you arrested in any universe, One Piece or not. The sound design is just... a single looping track that I'm pretty sure is from a royalty-free site, and it cuts out completely during one of the animated scenes with Sadi-chan, which was jarring but also made the wet sounds way more noticeable. Oh, and there's a puzzle with Black Cage Hina that made me want to throw my phone. Not because it was hard, but because the reward was just a still image I'd already seen in the gallery. The trainer mechanics with Paula are a whole other rabbit hole I fell into for an hour. You just click and she gets progressively more... amenable. It's grindy but my god, the big ass tag is not lying. Domino shows up at some point? I think? I was distracted by the creampie finish with Miss Valentine that came out of nowhere. The fantasy setting is just wallpaper for the parody to happen, really. It's a mess. A glorious, horny mess.

• anal
• big ass
• animated
• groping
• creampie