The Bitcher

ok so this game is basically what if geralt was a chick who just wanted to bang her way across the continent and honestly i respect that hustle. you got your standard fantasy map with like 4 or 5 locations and every single one has some babe who needs help with something stupid like finding her lost cat or whatever but we all know where this is going. the writing is jank as hell like google translate had a stroke halfway through but somehow that makes it funnier especially when the merchant lady starts talking about her special potions and you just know its not about alchemy. the combat is just clicking attack until numbers go up but who cares when the real loot is getting the sorceress to show you her tower. i spent way too long trying to figure out which dialogue option leads to the good scenes because the game does that thing where one wrong choice locks you out and you gotta reload. there's this one elf chick in the forest who straight up tells you to find some herbs and i picked the wrong response and she just peaced out forever. rude. the art is... well its there. some scenes look like they were drawn by someone who definitely knows what they're into but maybe skipped anatomy class and honestly thats the charm. the witch character has tits that defy physics in a way that would make triss merigold blush. found all the endings btw and theres one where you just become a merchant yourself and settle down which is weirdly wholesome for a game where you can also end up in a threeway with a forest spirit and a barmaid. the parody elements are barely there like they name drop geralt once and then forget about it completely. the merchant questline is actually the most developed which makes sense given the tags but i wish the rpg elements were less barebones. you level up but it barely matters. anyway the game knows what it is and doesnt pretend otherwise. just a quick romp through fantasy land with more tits than plot and sometimes thats exactly what the doctor ordered.

• adventure
• rpg
• parody
• lesbian
• witcher