Star Moans

The load screen is just Rey with her mouth open and Kylo Ren's dick, like, right there. Not subtle. Not trying to be. I appreciate that in a parody game, you know? No wasting time with space politics. The art is scratchy, almost like someone drew it on a napkin during a boring lecture, and the animation loops are jittery. It's definitely unpolished, which is the whole brief here, but sometimes that works for the grimy, "found this on a forgotten corner of the internet" vibe. The core loop is basically click-to-advance through a series of positions. You get Rey bent over some console, Kylo's massive cock (the tag doesn't lie, it's absurdly proportioned) slapping against her. The cumshot mechanic is the only real interactive bit, a meter that fills up and you gotta click at the right time or it just... dribbles. I messed it up the first time and got a pretty pathetic result, which felt like a weirdly honest failure state for a porn game. The sound design is just wet slaps and a looping moan that cuts off abruptly. It's jarring. I kept thinking about how Kylo Ren's mask is just sitting on a crate in the background. Does he put it back on after? Is it weird for Rey to make eye contact with it? There's no real game here beyond that one meter. You're not managing stamina or unlocking dialogue trees. It's a short, single-scene thing. The parody aspect is doing all the heavy lifting because the character models look only vaguely like the actors, like a bootleg action figure. I found myself clicking through just to see if there was a punchline, some reference to the Force. There isn't. It's just two characters from a billion-dollar franchise going at it with the production value of a flipbook. The whole thing feels like a sticky note passed in class, and honestly, that's more memorable than a lot of slicker, more boring adult games.

• cumshot
• parody
• star wars
• rey
• kylo ren