Black Jackets

The card flipping sound is way too loud. I'm supposed to be doing expense reports but I had to mute the whole browser tab. My boss walked by and I alt-tabbed so fast I nearly broke my keyboard. The game is this blackjack thing where you're basically playing cards against two office secretaries, a blonde and a brunette, both in these tight black jackets. You win a hand, they take something off. Simple math. The blonde has this look on her face like she's judging your bet. I don't know if it's intentional or just the photo set they used but it works. The real model thing, you can tell they just took a bunch of pictures and strung them together. Sometimes the jacket is on, sometimes it's off, sometimes it's back on again. The continuity is a disaster. I laughed out loud when she went from bra to fully clothed between two wins. It's like playing cards with a malfunctioning replicant. I wish there was an option to just skip the card game and, you know, get to the point. But that won't happen. The whole strip mechanic is locked behind this RNG where the dealer gets 21 like he's got a direct line to god. I had a 20 and he pulled a five card charlie. A five card charlie. In a strip blackjack game. Who programmed this, a disgruntled math professor. The brunette has better animations, or rather, her static images are arranged in a slightly more logical sequence. There's this one frame where she's mid-laugh and it looks like a cursed meme. I spent way too long trying to lose on purpose just to see if the game over screen was anything special. It's not. It just resets. The whole thing runs in a browser so it chugged on my phone when I tried it in the bathroom. The mobile tag is a lie. It's just a webpage that doesn't scale right. The dealer's face. I can't stop thinking about the dealer's face. He's got this smug pixelated grin that makes you want to throw your virtual chips at him. Anyway, my break's over. The cards are still flipping in my head. That sound effect. I can still hear it.

• striptease
• arcade
• real model
• erotic
• secretary