Starwatch Academy

= horny space cadet simulator with more plot holes than a cheap glory wall Professor Vex’s tentacles have no business being that dexterous. One minute she’s explaining quantum xenobiology, the next those purple appendages are undoing my character’s uniform with the kind of precision that suggests a PhD in advanced fondling. The game never quite decides if it wants to be a proper adventure or just a delivery system for increasingly creative interspecies hookups, and honestly? That indecision is the best part. The choice system pretends to matter. Pick the diplomatic answer during orientation and you end up in a threesome with twin ambassadors from some gas giant. Go aggressive and suddenly you’re pinned against a holographic chalkboard by your combat instructor, her three breasts pressing into your back while she whispers something about discipline. I spent twenty minutes trying to figure out if my dialogue options actually changed anything or if the game was just shuffling the same five scenes around. Still don’t know. The sci-fi setting is basically wallpaper with nipples, every piece of advanced alien technology eventually doubling as a sex toy. There’s a scene with a zero-gravity chamber that defies physics in ways that would make NASA weep, but your dick won’t care. Wish the character creator let you be something other than generically human. You’re this boring baseline organism surrounded by the most fuckable extraterrestrials this side of a Mass Effect mod, and it feels like a missed opportunity. The big tits tag is doing some heavy lifting here, every female character model seemingly designed by someone who thinks mammary glands are the primary feature of sentient life. The blowjob animations are surprisingly decent though, especially the one where the insectoid classmate figures out human anatomy through enthusiastic trial and error. That’s going in the screenshot folder for sure, right next to the graduation ceremony that somehow becomes an orgy. Classic academy tradition I guess.

• sci-fi
• roleplay
• teacher
• academy
• hentai