The Exiles [Halloween Special] v1.0.0

Fucking finally, a game that understands the raw, sweaty chaos of a crowded bathhouse. Exiles drops you into Dumat al-Julfar, this grimy Arabian Nights shithole where you're a penniless orphan, and within ten minutes I'm already on my knees for some rich patron. Not complaining. The 3DCG is deliberately janky, like someone rendered it on a potato, but that's the point. It's got this fever dream quality where the femboy pirate with the killer thighs looks almost real enough to touch, then the next scene a viking muscle girl is crushing a skull with her bare hands and the blood spray looks like ketchup. The oral sex scene with the trap character in the alleyway. God. The way the light catches the sweat on their collarbone. I had to alt-tab to Firefox three times. Not because of the content but because the browser kept freezing on that one animation loop. The foot fetish stuff caught me off guard, wasn't expecting the medieval setting to go there but suddenly you're massaging oil into some warrior's calloused feet and it's weirdly intimate. The humor is stupid in the best way, like Monty Python wrote a porno. One minute you're getting a handjob from a trans merchant behind a stall in the bazaar, the next you're discussing the geopolitical implications of trade routes. The optional gay content is there if you want it, I clicked through everything because why not, and the group sex scene in the longhouse is a logistical nightmare of clipping limbs and moans that don't sync up. I wish the POV camera didn't drift during the anal scenes, it's like the dev never tested it on anything but their own machine. The fantasy adventure part is actually there, you sail across oceans and maybe into space? I don't know, I stopped paying attention to the fate of the world when the femboy started unbuckling my belt with their teeth. The male protagonist is a blank slate but that works, you're just a pair of hands and a cock most of the time. The graphic violence is cartoonish but the sex is weirdly tender sometimes, like the vaginal scene with the shieldmaiden where she keeps her armor on and it's all clanking metal and soft whispers. Contradicts itself constantly. I love it. The replayability is high if you're into seeing all the depraved combinations, but the save system is a joke, lost my progress twice during the pirate orgy. Still went back. The middle eastern setting gets abandoned halfway through for viking nonsense and I didn't even care because the muscle girl's abs had their own gravitational pull. This game is a mess. Play it.

• pov
• group sex
• handjob
• adventure
• pirate