1HG: A Schoolboy Punch

The thing about OneHandGames is they don't pretend. You load up A Schoolboy Crush and right away the font is wrong, the buttons are slightly misaligned, and the blonde girl's sprite has this weird floating quality like she's not quite standing on the floor. It's perfect. This is the third one, after Hot Summer Nights and A Schoolgirl Fantasy, and you can tell the creator just kept building on the same rickety framework because why fix what's already charmingly broken. I spent twenty minutes stuck on a dialogue loop with the math teacher because I kept picking the obviously wrong answer just to see her get flustered. The writing has this deadpan delivery that makes the explicit scenes hit different. Not polished. Not trying to be sexy in that overproduced way. Just... direct. There's a scene with the blonde classmate behind the gym that uses maybe three animation frames total and somehow it's more engaging than games with full motion capture. The RPG elements are barely there. You walk around the high school, talk to people, unlock scenes. That's it. The achievement tracking is weirdly satisfying though. Each scene unlock feels like finding a crumpled note in a locker. The sound design is basically nonexistent except for this one looping track that I swear is just a slowed down version of something from an old Newgrounds flash game. After a while it becomes hypnotic. Or maybe that's just what happens when you're clicking through dialogue about after school tutoring that very clearly isn't about tutoring. The game knows what it is. It doesn't try to be deep or meaningful or even particularly well made. There's a charm in that. A kind of honesty. The blonde character's storyline in particular has this weirdly sweet undertone beneath all the explicit content, like the writer accidentally wrote a romance while trying to write porn. Or maybe I'm reading too much into a game where you can literally just replay scenes from a menu once you've unlocked them. The menu is ugly by the way. I love it.

• xxx game
• blonde
• funny game
• rpg
• high school