Haruhi Fulfillment

The first thing that hits you is the music. It's this weirdly cheerful chip tune loop that sounds like it was ripped from a bootleg DS game, and it does not stop. It just keeps going while you're poking at Haruki Suzumiya's skirt with your mouse cursor like some kind of digital pervert. The whole thing feels like someone took a flash game from 2006 and just... left it there. Unpolished is an understatement, the UI looks like a prototype a programmer made before the artist even woke up. But here's the thing. The jank is the charm? No wait, that's not right. The jank is frustrating because sometimes you click a spot and nothing happens, the pleasure bar just sits there mocking you. You're supposed to use your tongue and fingers, which translates to frantically clicking different body zones until you find the magic pixel that makes the meter jump. The panty shots are constant, like the camera is glued to that one angle, which I guess is the whole point. It's a parody of the Haruhi thing, but honestly if you don't know the source material you'd just think it's a generic anime girl who won't stop squirming. Her reactions are these tiny little text blurbs in Japanese, and I can't read any of it, so I'm just guessing based on the pitch of the voice clip. Is she annoyed? Is she into it? The pleasure bar went up so I guess we're good. I wish the touch interactions had any weight to them. You're just clicking static images and watching a bar fill. There's this one spot near her collarbone that seems to do nothing for like ten clicks, then suddenly triggers a huge jump in the meter. Makes no sense. The whole game is basically a tease simulator where the biggest tease is whether your clicks will register. The cum animation is... well, it happens. The sound effect is surprisingly wet though, caught me off guard. For a game that looks like it was drawn in MS Paint during a lunch break, the audio design is doing some heavy lifting. That voice actress is working way harder than the programmer did, and I respect that.

• japanese
• tease
• haruhi suzumiya
• anime
• touch