Gem Domination: Gloryhole Edition

The whole thing runs on that janky Newgrounds energy, you know the kind. Gem Domination: Gloryhole Edition. A Steven Universe parody that feels like it was coded during a single feverish weekend and honestly, that's not a complaint. The art wobbles between surprisingly on model for Pearl and something a kid scrawled in a notebook during detention. Lapis looks like she's seen things. Garnet is... present. The whole setup is absurd, a row of colorful alien women lined up behind a wall with holes cut out, and you just click through their little vignettes. Click, click, click. The sound effects are stock library groans layered over what I swear is a microwave door opening. It's so aggressively low rent that it loops back around to being hypnotic. There's this one moment with Peridot where her expression cycles through three frames of animation and the loop doesn't quite close, so she has a tiny seizure every time you interact with her. I spent maybe five minutes just clicking back and forth to watch the jitter. The dialogue is pure 2016 Tumblr shitposting, with Amethyst making a joke about "rock hard" that's so painfully obvious it becomes funny again. The whole thing doesn't really escalate in any logical way, it just sort of piles more moans and sloppy noises on top of itself until you feel like you're drowning in a vat of low bitrate audio. The climax, if you can call it that, involves a text box that misspells "eruption" and honestly, at that point, you're either all in or you've closed the tab. The weirdest part is how it captures the actual vibe of the show's more chaotic episodes, just drenched in bodily fluids. That one scene where Steven yells about his feelings? Imagine that but it's a sticky, pixelated mess and nobody is learning a valuable lesson about communication. I kept waiting for a punchline that never came, and then I realized the whole game was the punchline. The background music is a royalty free loop that cuts off abruptly every forty seconds. I think it gave me a pavlovian response to the sound of a dial-up modem.

• hentai
• humor
• steven universe
• parody
• glory hole