Sex or Relations

Fucking hell, another one of these. You know the drill, click through some questions, get a picture of a cartoon girl with tits that defy physics. This one's called a test about sex and relations, which is a fancy way of saying it asks if you like boobs and then shows you boobs. The art is that kind of shiny anime style where the skin looks like plastic wrap, and honestly, the first question popped up and I just stared at it. What am I even doing. The questions are dumb as rocks. "Do you find this attractive?" and it's a drawing of a woman whose spine must be made of rubber. I clicked yes, obviously, and the game gave me some "useful advice" that read like a fortune cookie had a stroke. Something about embracing my inner desires. My inner desire is for a game that doesn't look like it was drawn on a phone during a lunch break. The whole thing feels like a pop-up ad from 2006 that somehow learned to ask personal questions. But then, and I hate that there's a but then, the third question had this character with a smirk that actually got me. Just a little. The way the shadow fell on her, I don't know, collarbone? It was a single frame, no animation, but for a split second I wasn't just clicking to get to the end. The test told me I was a "passionate explorer" or some shit. I was just a guy who forgot to close his incognito tab. The music is a ten-second loop that will burrow into your skull and lay eggs. I wish the questions got weirder, more specific, but they won't. It's all "big boobs yes/no" and then a results screen that feels like a pat on the head from a robot. The whole thing is a nothing burger with a side of surprisingly decent nipple shading. I closed it, opened it again, answered differently, got the same advice. Makes you think. Not about sex and relations, but about why you're even here.

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