Jungle fucky-fucky

You know what really gets me about this whole thing, the grass. That specific patch of grass. I'm still thinking about it three days later while I'm trying to send work emails on my phone and the image just pops back in. It's not even good grass, animation wise. It's this flat green smear, like someone drew it in MS Paint while distracted by a youtube video about the history of concrete. And yet, that's where the entire universe of this... game... collapses into its own punchline. So Tarzan. He's just there, dick out, going at it with the enthusiasm of a golden retriever who found an unattended pillow. The animation loop is this janky, hypnotic piston motion. I watched it for an uncomfortably long time, not because it was hot, but because I was trying to figure out if his loincloth was just a part of his character model or a separate asset that was supposed to flap. It doesn't flap. It's just a brown triangle fused to his crotch. The whole thing has the energy of a Newgrounds submission from 2003 that someone forgot to finish, but in a way that circles back around to being genuinely funny. The joke is telegraphed from a mile away, of course. The "pussy in the grass" is, shockingly, not a pussy. It's a carnivorous plant. Or maybe just a regular plant with a bad attitude. The face Tarzan makes when he realizes... chef's kiss. Pure, unfiltered regret rendered in three frames of animation. I actually snorted. It's a one-note joke stretched over a couple of minutes, a shitpost in interactive form. There's no gameplay. You don't do anything. You just watch this muscular idiot make a series of escalatingly bad decisions in the jungle. The sound design is what kills me, just these wet slapping noises that sound like someone stepping in mud, completely divorced from the visual action. I tried to show it to someone and the browser crashed. I think that's the intended experience, honestly. A perfect, stupid artifact.

• big cock
• tarzan
• humor
• animation
• joke